Vanity: Thy Name is Popular Opinion ... ?

During my freshman year of college, I worked at a restaurant/ice cream parlor. We wore silly costumes. We sang loud songs for guest birthdays and anniversaries. The menu featured a GIANT ice cream sundae that waiters ran around on a mini-stretcher—giving star treatment to the party that ordered it. Our job was to make sure everyone had fun (the customers, anyway).
Right after I started, I heard people talking about a waitress that I had yet to meet. “Have you worked with Kathy, yet?” They asked. They buzzed about how much fun she was, how much energy she had and how she dated the cutest waiter there. I began to think of her as the head cheerleader/homecoming queen of ice cream world.

One day I met her. She was a beautiful blond with effervescent energy and joy ... but there was one thing about her that no one else had ever mentioned. On one side of her beautiful face was a large port-wine birthmark. It didn’t seem to be something that she was self-conscious about nor did it seem to be something that anyone who knew her noticed.

Over the next six months, Kathy and I worked many shifts together and we became friends. Her energy was infectious, she made me laugh and I began to look forward to shifts that we worked together. Work became FUN! By the end of the year, I left my job at ice cream world. During my last week, I remember some new waiter asking me about the girl with the birthmark on her face. “Who?,” I asked him, with absolutely no idea who he was referring to. “Kathy,” he said. I’d honestly forgotten all about that.

I’ve been thinking about her lately. I had some surgery earlier in the summer which resulted in the loss of most of my left eyebrow and having the left eyelid “rebuilt.” In other words, it’s not at all pretty. My eyes look off-balance when I look in the mirror. Unnatural. Like an aging Hollywood actress that’s been pumped up with way too much Botox and can’t control her expressions anymore.

The doctor tells me that they will do some plastic surgery to smooth things out, but the fact is that it’s highly unlikely that it will ever look normal again. I’m trying to not be vain or petty about it. I remind myself that the whole thing started with a cancer scare that they thought was originating from somewhere deep inside of me. After months of tests, I got off lucky – with just a little bump they were able to remove. The gimpy eye is my reminder that, unlike many others, my war wound is minor. Grace had me covered. And I know that I am not my eye. I’m not even this shell of a middle aged body that I’m living in. It’s the work on my soul that should be my focus.

Still I know that this “lazy” eye will be the first thing people see when they meet me—and that much of what I say initially to those new acquaintances will go unheard because of this. I’m not being paranoid or vain here, I’m being realistic. I’m human too—and although we may not want to admit it, we immediately notice those physical characteristics in a person that are off or not “normal.”

So I’m trying to channel Kathy. I’m trying to let my inner soul and joy for life bubble up a little more. My hope is that when people talk about me in the future they will describe me by my joy, faith and energy and not some silly little imperfection. Like Kathy, I want to be the person that inspires people to remember that each of our souls is oceans bigger than the limitations of our physical world.