After calling our first-ever little family meeting this morning, I initiated the launch of a brand new operative called: Foundation Family First. (And, yes, the boys laughed at me.)Now, before I explain the concept behind this—I have to preface it by saying that I'm not telling you this to boast or pretend that we’re some picture-perfect family …nor even to annoy you with alliteration of too many “F’s”. I tell you this because: (1) the underlying principal involves one of the few things I KNOW for sure (and there aren’t many), (2) to make a dated record of when I initiated this so that when it dissolves I’ll know how long it lasted (or didn’t) and (3) so that when it blows up in my face, it’ll remind me to quit pretending I can control anything.
So, here’s how this idea came about—in a nutshell. We have people in our lives who are going through some REALLY tough times and big challenges. Along with those issues, they are under the false impression that we are perfect … rich (HA!) … balanced … saintly and lucky. So, they assume that, because we seem to have it all figured out (in their minds)—our job is to help them. So, we’ve been trying. And trying. And trying. Because we love them. And because it’s the right thing to do. In fact, we’ve been trying so long (without much progress)—that we didn’t realize how much of a strain it had put on our little family. No, actually, it was more like long-term erosion of our family.
Now, to be fair, their needs weren’t the only tax on our family. Add in the daily stresses of working opposite schedules, living paycheck to paycheck, and it started to feel like we were all living separate lives—meeting up only once a week for an hour or two to complain about what the other people were doing wrong. Or worse, there were many occasions when we all became invisible to each other—not speaking at all.
So, I’d been thinking for a long, long time about how to fix this. To be honest, I have to tell you there are many days when I wonder if I can. Sometimes, I get to the point where I think, “This is never going to change.” That’s when I think about giving up and walking away. I think about how the entire concept of family is disintegrating in our society. I picture Satan rubbing his grimy little hands together and giggling. Then I get pissed at the idea that he might win by destroying us. I think about the words of Mother Teresa, John Paul II and the messages of Medjugore about trying to preserve the family. Then I start to pray, reminding God that I’m REALLY at rope’s end (again) and He needs to do something or I’m going to jump ship.
That’s when I remember one thing that I know for sure, from experience: When our little family trio is focused on us, listening to each other unselfishly and respectfully, supporting each other through self-doubt or crises—our tripod is as strong as concrete. It IS a foundation—and can be, for others. That’s when we are secure in our love for each other—and when we can best help others. But when we are feeling slighted, ignored, overlooked or forgotten—we get resentful and selfish. That’s when we’re focused on self. And no matter how hard the others might want to make it right, if one part of the tripod isn’t holding up her/his corner—then there’s no foundation.
So, Foundation Family 1st—is an attempt at prioritizing and strengthening the tripod … by carving out some time for each other each week before jumping in to help tackle others’ problems. It may only be a couple of hours on the weekend, but it will be a couple hours. And that’s the goal.
